just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
