so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
