Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
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I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
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i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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