hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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