I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
