If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
