Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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