Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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