I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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