I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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