I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
