If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
