You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
