so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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