i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
