I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
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It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
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Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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