my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
