I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You took a bar mat shot.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
