you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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