I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
