i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
