I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
