wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
