ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
