Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize