Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
