She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
