Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
