I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
