He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
