Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
