shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
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You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
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if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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