He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
