So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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