I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize