I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
