Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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