he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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