Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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