i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
