Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
