i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
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We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
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I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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