Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
