i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
he's gonorrhea incarnate
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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