You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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