im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
