is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
