I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
