I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
