Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
