I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
