I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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