You're earring is so big in my mouth
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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