SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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