So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
