If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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