dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
