Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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