I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
