tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
